There is the apocryphal tale that the average travelling cow gets more legroom due to cattle-handling legislature than the average person gets on an economy flight. Unless you are the kind of person who has a gold card pass to the pre-flight lounge, chances are any long-haul flight you take will be under these conditions.

Cows have loads more space than you, but they look cooler, don’t they?

You are, to all intents and purposes, agreeing to sit like a mime in an invisible box, keeping your body in a brutal, crushed, cramped sitting position for anything up to 24 hours. 24 hours! You could get through a whole box set of 24 during that and watch all the extras. In case Jack Bauer is not your thing, below are five things to keep you occupied during your interminable journey.

1. Hydrate
Airline travel is an exceedingly dry environment that can quickly lead to dehydration if you do not stock up on the liquids. Avoid the temptation of alcohol and stick with water and juices. Take some fruit on board too, it’s a good source of nutrients and will help keep you feeling energised and refreshed when you have to go through baggage collection the other end. Preparing little rituals and regimes such as this is the key to breaking up the time on board and getting to your destination without losing your mind because of the little boy behind you who, driven beyond distraction by his feeble surroundings, has taken to kicking the chair in front of him, sequentially, like some kind of torturous experimental massage.

Keep drinking all that water!

2. Entertain Yourself
If there is one good thing about flying long-haul, it is the general availability of entertainment on board. It might seem like a pointless chore, but check the schedule in the in-flight magazine, make a note of the programmes and/or films you want to see and when they start, and then look forward to them. Think of it this way - half hour into your flight, you know there is a film on you want to see within half an hour. After that two-hour film has finished, you are already three hours into your nicely broken up journey. A couple of other tips too: take your own headphones - airline headphones are designed to fit nobody, and if you buy a noise-isolating pair it will help you sleep (see point 3). Most of them have been design tested on Roald Dahl’s BFG for comfort. If you have an iPod, splash out on a couple of games for it. On a ten-hour plus flight, being able to kill an hour on a game that cost you less than a cup of coffee will seem like a bargain. Finally, if you take a book, do not take Crime and Punishment or Bleak House. Your attention will be constantly distracted throughout the flight, so take a fast-paced, plot-heavy novel, or some non-fiction that is easy to dip in and out of. Novelty Christmas books are always good for flights, as are the infamous Dan Brown / Stephen King / Tom Clancy / Danielle Steele door stops which require the brain power of a chimp to enjoy. This is not a criticism; by the time you are halfway through your flight, you will struggle to perform even the most basic motor functions without taking on the appearance of a Baboon.

This will keep you entertained for 34% of the flight, then annoy.

3. Sleep
How many times will you hear the following? ‘Oh, I can’t sleep on a plane. Impossible.’ How many times have you seen these same people then trying to sleep a few hours later by perching their neck dangerously close to one of their knees in a ridiculous attempt to grab forty winks? The key to getting a good few hours is to prepare. Wear layers, so that you can add/remove clothing according to the ambient temperature until you achieve that wonderful ‘just right’ feeling. Buy a neck pillow (they work) and use one of the supplied giant sanitary towels that the air crew refers to as in-flight pillows to support your lower back. You will look like you are in traction, but it is by far the best way to get a decent rest. This brings us nicely on to…

This is what you’d like to be doing on a long-haul, economy flight.

4. Avoid Jet-Lag
There is nothing worse than a long-haul flight further ruining your life by knocking your body clock out of whack for a few days. The first thing to do is match your timings to your destination. This means changing all of your visible clocks as soon as you’re on board. Make sure your watch shows the local time of your destination, and even take the time to change the clock on any electrical devices you have with you. It is a small thing but it will help you subconsciously adjust. Next, grab some sleep when it is night time where you are going. Even a couple of hours will help you get through the following day. Finally, try and adjust your eating patterns as soon as possible. This is not always easy on a flight where the meals and the cabin crew are timed to olympic standards, but if you can avoid eating during night time hours at your destination, and get yourself a healthy breakfast on the first morning of your arrival, it will aid your body in its adjustments.

They say for every hour you lose, you need a day to recover

5. Exercise
No treadmills and squat thrusts here. Think more along the lines of lunges (be careful where you point your knee) making fists with your toes (thanks Die Hard) making invisible circles with your feet by turning your ankles every half hour or so, clenching your buttocks and stretching like the annoying bloke at the office. In fact, the best way to approach on-board exercise is to act like a general nuisance. Cruise the aisles as much as you can. Drinking plenty (see point 1) will give you reason enough to visit the bathroom often. Steps like this not only avoid horror stories like deep-vein thrombosis, they also keep you alert and fresh for exiting the plane.

Do you reckon it would be this exciting?!?

What do you do on a long-haul flight? How do you keep sane? Why not let us know by commenting!